


Burn

by NoOneKnowsIWriteThis



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, I blame Ameera, Julian-Centric, M/M, Post-Canon, So much angst, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-09 02:34:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11095101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis/pseuds/NoOneKnowsIWriteThis
Summary: He spent that entire night reading the letter from start to finish. Garak's words flooded over him, overwhelming him with a heretofore unseen honesty, as well as a passion and a love that Julian had somehow failed to even suspect, but now made perfect sense. Garak's words wooed him and won him over. They painted a picture of Cardassia that was so vivid Julian felt like he was there.--A song fic based on "Burn" from Hamilton. Heavy angst ahead.





	Burn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ameera](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ameera/gifts).



_I saved every letter you wrote me_  
_From the moment I read them_  
_I knew you were mine_  
_You said you were mine_  
_I thought were mine_

–

Garak's letter had arrived at a strange time for Julian. Despite the constant surge of people coming and going throughout the station, since most of the old crew had departed at the end of the war, it somehow felt empty. His relationship with Ezri had fallen apart as well. Once the constant threat of death was no longer looming over them, pushing them to make every moment count, they had realized that both of them were chasing the ghosts of a previous life.

However, other than Kira and Vic, Ezri was his only friend left on the station, and in many ways she was his closest friend. So she was the one he told about Garak's letter. She observed how eager he was to read it and pursed her lips slightly as she carefully measured her response.

“Be careful with that one, Julian,” she said finally. Julian smiled and offered some reassurance that he knew what he was doing.

He spent that entire night reading the letter from start to finish. Garak's words flooded over him, overwhelming him with a heretofore unseen honesty, as well as a passion and a love that Julian had somehow failed to even suspect, but now made perfect sense. Garak's words wooed him and won him over. They painted a picture of Cardassia that was so vivid Julian felt like he was there.

The next morning, he arranged passage to Cardassia.

–

_You and your words flooded my senses_  
_Your sentences left me defenseless_  
_You built me palaces out of paragraphs_  
_You built cathedrals_

-

Julian spent the journey writing his own letter in response. Fantasizing as he did so about delivering it to Garak and watching the man's face as he read it and realized his feelings were very much returned.

Those fantasies were at the forefront of his mind as he eagerly approached Garak's abode. His knock produced no response, so he tried again, and again. A feeling of anxiety grew as he pushed open the unlocked door.

He found Garak's corpse and another letter.

After a bit of further investigation, Julian accepted that the truth was how the scene appeared: Garak had killed himself.

–

_I'm re-reading the letters you wrote me_  
_I'm searching and scanning for answers_  
_In every line_  
_For some kind of sign_

–

Julian pulled out Garak's original letter, desperately reading and rereading it. Searching for any way he could have seen this coming, any action he could have taken to prevent it, but only becoming more and more convinced that there was nothing he could have done to predict this. Garak had been too clever and careful for him. Garak had been dead before Julian had even received the letter.

Julian had thought the letter was a new beginning, but Garak had, in fact, sent him a goodbye.

–

_You and your words obsessed with your legacy_  
_Your sentences border on senseless_  
_And you are paranoid in every paragraph_  
_How they perceive you-_  
_You, you, you_

–

Julian sat on the front steps and reread Garak's final letter to him. It was nothing like the previous letter. While the first letter had shown him the beautiful side of Garak's thoughts, this one revealed another side, paranoid and self-sacrificing for Tain, for Cardassia. It didn't matter.

Whereas the first letter had built Julian a beautiful world with mere words, this one was full of sentences that ran on too long to the point that they became meaningless, and warnings and fears about enemies who were long dead.

This last letter even included how Garak wanted his body disposed of: a simple burial near the plot that passed for his garden and few piled stones to mark it. A simple end for a man who had never been simple.

–

_I'm erasing myself from the narrative_  
_Let future historians wonder_  
_How Eliza reacted_  
_When you broke her heart_  
_You have torn it all apart_  
_I'm watching it burn_

–

Julian had done as Garak had asked, granted him the simple burial. Then, with no other business tying him to Cardassia, he arranged passage back to Deep Space Nine.

On the shuttle, Julian reread his own letter, so full of hope and anticipation. How had he been so naive just a few days ago. It almost made him feel sick to even look at it. Garak's letters he would keep, but this one...

Julian considered for a moment, then deleted it. He actually regretted not responding to Garak's letters in kind by writing it on paper. It would have been so fulfilling to watch it burn.

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be happy and then Ameera suggested I make it sad, so here we are.


End file.
